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blackorchid8
Its been some days...wow!  I write for myself...just for a voice.

Papa was sick and I went to Ireland for a month.  I felt tricked there by granny because dad showed up.  He was so in my space. I couldnt wait to get out of there.  Ive seen more of Eamon.

How should you feel if your life somewhat mirrors Brendan Brady's?

 
 
blackorchid8
24 December 2013 @ 06:17 pm
 
 
blackorchid8
24 December 2013 @ 06:15 pm
 
 
blackorchid8
22 November 2013 @ 08:24 am
I just got to work and Im so HAPPY that its Friday!  I think Norm and I might go to the movies tonight.  I want to see "Catching Fire" and "Thor 2" but Im not sure if they are both out.  Gonna have Norm cook too!  Eamon left on the 17th and I miss him so much I cant even put it into words.  Its like theres the time when hes here and then theres the time where Im waiting for him to come back.  Its sort of exhausting but its my life now.  Cait and EJ are both doing great though and they help me through the heartache just a bit.

A lot more activity at the Mist lately.

My computer crashed and I had to reset everything.  Now, I have none of my old settings, bookmarks, etc. and its all so weird.  I lost all the pictures I had on it and just a lot of things that Id saved.  At least it was fixable.  Now I can get back to my Sons of Anarchy marathon!
 
 
blackorchid8
03 November 2013 @ 02:36 am
Jesse Pinkman is my spirit animal

 
 
 
blackorchid8
03 November 2013 @ 02:32 am
Tig disturbs me on a deep level but theres something about him.  I mean....his eyes, yo!

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blackorchid8
03 November 2013 @ 02:30 am
Samantha finally agreed to let me see him for a while.  Ill have him until the 17th of November, I think.  Hes grown so much since I last saw him in July.

A pic of my 2 men!  Love them so much!

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blackorchid8
22 October 2013 @ 02:58 am
Jesus!  That old saying is haunting me after I read it in a letter last night.  Rikme!  I had so many feelings just rush over me and I didnt know what to do with them.  Breathe.

And so I thought of Norm and I got an aching in my chest and the pit of my soul, yo.  Thats church...skinny Pete style!  Im an incredibly selfish thing at times but hey, Im the bad guy.  Ive accepted that.  Ive let it go.

Corri raised hell and moved to the blue room.  Ive got a blanket see?  Im in shock because Ive got a blanket!  IDGAF.  Sometimes its the sorry dreams that follow us around.  I want to see Eamon and I cant.  They all say so.  Im that shit as a dad.  Ok.  Failure is what I excel at most, obviously.  I make sure the kid has a roof and 3 squares but I cant fucking hold him.

I saw Andy and Mike on Friday and it wasnt awkward.  It was life and it was death.  I wanted it to be like it used to because I need people in my life and so I go back to the regulars, even if they're damned.  I crave the scene.

I might be manic.  Nuclear bomb.
 
 
blackorchid8
06 September 2013 @ 05:06 am
Pit  
Well, if I were just to write out how I feel, Id say there was a pit thats inside of me.   It feels empty right now.  I have the family...MY family but...

I miss things.  I miss friends.  I miss feeling like people cared.  I have friends at work but most times, it seems superficial.  That may just be my insecurities though.  I keep trying to make it feel deep and meaningful.  I have old buddies but I know theyre basically not that great for me to be around so I try to limit things there...although its hard when Im craving companionship.  I want someone to talk to.  Im at a new place in my life and I would really like someone to support me but it seems that all I have is myself.  I cant complain too much or Corri and Norm start to worry.  I dont want that at all.

The kids are all fantastic.  Caitlyn just started back to school and is doing cheerleading too.  Shes so cute and Im proud of her.   Her personality is so unique and I think shes just a great kid.  I feel lucky to be blessed enough to have her in my life.  Shes growing up so fast;  I cant believe that shes gonna be 7 on her next birthday.  She started 1st grade this past week!

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Eamon is ok although I havent been able to see him since July.  That leaves an ache that I cant really describe.  Sam hasnt really been keeping him from me on purpose but both of our lives just seem to get in the way of him coming for a while.  I hope that changes soon.  He has a visit tentatively scheduled starting the weekend of the 21st of this month.  I cant wait to spend some time with him.

EJ is fantastic and adorable.  Hes a (mostly) good and agreeable baby.  He has the goofiest hair and he looks like a mini Corri.  He knows how to make me smile, thats for sure!  I cant believe hes 3 months old already.

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Life is hard but I keep going for these guys.
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blackorchid8
02 September 2013 @ 06:20 am
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